Archive for the ‘Life’ Category

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Real

September 14, 2010

For one week in my pointless irrelevant existence I was willing to believe that maybe, just maybe, I was a real person. But I know it’s better not to lie to myself and just accept the truth.

And the truth is I am not a real person. I’m merely an illness given the ability to speak and the sense not to.

-Vyperchild

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all these things

September 13, 2010

I have all these things. All these words and images and stories and feelings. But I can’t articulate the words I want to speak. I can’t portray the images I see in my mind’s eye. I can’t spin the tales to entertain or inspire.

And I can’t share my emotions.

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Friends

August 26, 2010

I don’t make friends very easily. I’m weird and off-putting and most people don’t bother, or at best, they’ll tolerate occasionally seeing me. But when I do make friends they are very important to me, and even if I don’t show it, I am incredibly loyal.

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Life

August 18, 2010

Right now my life is a waste of everything. Unless I’m working or it’s a thursday, I’m generally sleeping. All my pay gets spent on stupid things I don’t need but are good enough distractions. I eat less well than I used to, which quite frankly should’ve made me sick before, if I eat at all. I don’t go out much. Outside work and radio/comics, I might leave my house once a week. I usually don’t. I’m not at uni anymore, which is basically not a change anyway. I don’t use my free time on anything. I don’t care.

‘Drowning myself, over and over
Desolate, trying it’s over

Why so cynical in life
You think you’re living to die
All in wait’

-Vyperchild

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Reality

August 12, 2010

My friendship to them didn’t mean as much as theirs did to me. I was easily replaceable, and there’s always someone better.

It brings me back to a term a friend once used, in an effort to cheer me up. She said I wasn’t an ‘optional friend’. To her, maybe I’m not.

To others, it seems maybe I was. And the option is no longer worth it.

I was just filler, I guess.

-Vyperchild

** and it’s still my fault **

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Re: Withdraw

July 20, 2010

I miss the detachment and the safety and I just don’t want to care anymore. So I’m going to work back to being what I was before with all the personal walls and defences and maybe then I can pretend to be happy again.

x_x

-Vyperchild

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Identity Crisis

July 13, 2010

It’s a problem I’ve been avoiding for a long time now. I’ve always had somewhere to hide or something to fall back on and pretend about. But as I face the idea of not having anything in my life but work, I’m finding I can’t put the confrontation with myself off any longer.

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